Painting Title
Grief Painter™: Kristen Moyer
Facilitator: Faith Harrison
Facilitator: Faith Harrison
Kristen came to paint her grief and helpless feelings from being the mother of a young addict. The levels were customized to work with the cycles of addiction and al-anon feelings as well as levels of consciousness. She exhausted herself, painting for 6 hours. When we reached the higher levels of love, she asked to return to acceptance where she spent several more minutes painting into this feeling.
Kristen's Words
I thought that because I’ve cried, and raged, and talked to friends/family/counselors through the years, that I had a handle on my emotional state regarding my daughter’s addiction and how it has affected me. To put it simply, I was wrong-ola. The part of the process that had the most impact on me was how very deeply I was able to feel (especially during the shock and fear levels) and how freeing that was. At one point, I looked down at my painting and then up at Faith and said, “I didn’t know all that was in there.” Admittedly, I felt a little scared at the intensity of the emotions that I was being guided to translate into a visual representation. AND, it was shockingly and beautifully liberating.
The lower levels were exhausting. By the time we got to anger, I was already tired from the other lower levels and I did have a hard time staying in that level long enough to give it what I felt would be it’s just due time on the canvas. I also had a hard time with the joy level. I feel like addiction has a way of tainting otherwise purely joyful memories (or maybe that’s just my experience). So I couldn’t instantly bring up joy. It was a tough one.
I very much appreciated that Faith was very patient with me while still maintaining focus and moving the process along. I was impressed with that. I fully expected Grief Painter to be an emotional process. But, I’m still taken aback at the depth of emotion I was able to achieve and how freeing that has been. I’ve been reminded that grief is not a linear process; that I can and need to acknowledge my seemingly negative emotions, and it’s healthy and productive to do so, but that I don’t have to dwell in them; and that acceptance of the circumstances over which I have no control is crucial to my emotional freedom.
The lower levels were exhausting. By the time we got to anger, I was already tired from the other lower levels and I did have a hard time staying in that level long enough to give it what I felt would be it’s just due time on the canvas. I also had a hard time with the joy level. I feel like addiction has a way of tainting otherwise purely joyful memories (or maybe that’s just my experience). So I couldn’t instantly bring up joy. It was a tough one.
I very much appreciated that Faith was very patient with me while still maintaining focus and moving the process along. I was impressed with that. I fully expected Grief Painter to be an emotional process. But, I’m still taken aback at the depth of emotion I was able to achieve and how freeing that has been. I’ve been reminded that grief is not a linear process; that I can and need to acknowledge my seemingly negative emotions, and it’s healthy and productive to do so, but that I don’t have to dwell in them; and that acceptance of the circumstances over which I have no control is crucial to my emotional freedom.
