Maria
Grief Painter™: Maria
Facilitator: Katherine Sargent
Maria has been dealing with a spectrum of losses that have continued to impact her daily life for many, many years. Maria has been working tirelessly in talk therapy and utilizing her coping skills to get through the day to day, realizing that was only taking her so far. She was in dire need of something else that could connect her mind, body and spirit to the loss of her child and bring her back to center. This was an amazing process to facilitate. I was honored to observe the growth in her that took place that day.
Facilitator: Katherine Sargent
Maria has been dealing with a spectrum of losses that have continued to impact her daily life for many, many years. Maria has been working tirelessly in talk therapy and utilizing her coping skills to get through the day to day, realizing that was only taking her so far. She was in dire need of something else that could connect her mind, body and spirit to the loss of her child and bring her back to center. This was an amazing process to facilitate. I was honored to observe the growth in her that took place that day.
I had never even visualized peace until I had to give it a color and place it on my canvas. |
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Maria's Words
The Grief Painter™ experience was life changing. . I feel like a different person, and a closer version of the self I want to be. I have been struggling with memories, flashbacks, symptoms, and after-effects of child sexual abuse trauma which lasted for over 10 years. I was gang raped, then years later I lost a very much wanted pregnancy and the ability to get pregnant again as well as lack of nurturing, homelessness, and abusive relationships, leading to the out of control cycle that was my life.
For years I have sought and failed to connect with therapists that just asked me to either repeat my story or deal with the symptoms individually. Truth is that it has always felt like a very passive process in my part and I am not sure why I kept trying and looking except that I knew that alone I could not do it. We are talking about 40+ years of struggling in pain with many times in which I seriously contemplated just dying. Then I have ONE session with you and, without the smallest exaggeration, things "clicked." The big picture became clear and the path to healing became obvious.
Katherine took me through a path of understanding that no one had before. I love talking, and I love listening, however they were getting me only so far. You had me use other muscles. I had to be less abstract in my thinking and actually put a definition to each of my phases. I had to think about each phase enough to define them as they applied to me, identify them with a color which meant I really had to visualize them in other ways than just words, and then I had to put them down on canvas. I had to bring those feelings forth and face them. I had to recognize their shape and translate them with a brush, a branch, a leaf, my hands, any thing available. Anything that made it what it was. You guided and witnessed the process with the support, respect, and encouragement that I have never experienced. I don't remember even placing myself into such a vulnerable position with anyone but my husband and 2 very close friends of over 25+years. You made me feel safe every step of the way.
I realized that during the session, all my senses were being used. I could hear my music, see the paint, smell the incense, touch the instruments, and taste my tears and the water you provided. My body was put to work reaching for objects and achieving painting angles. My whole body had been affected by my trauma and now my whole body was being used to heal it.
While being able to see all my trauma in one canvas, and discussing with you the phases, I was able to realize that I have been drowning in the details of my past. I will not deny that they were painful, but drowning in the past was not leaving me with enough energy to swim to the shore and find peace. I had never even visualized peace until I had to give it a color and place it on my canvas. I had to see it to believe it could be. I realized, and I shared with you during the session, that I was finally able to see that the main source of pain was actually the disconnect I felt between me and my life. I felt that everything that had happened to me were things I had no control over. My person as a whole had been discarded by others without my consent and they had changed my life without notice. It was suddenly clear that I needed to see all those colors in the canvas as a whole and accept that they had a time and a purpose, but that now I am able to be present in my life. I can make my own decisions (good or bad.) I can connect emotionally with those I choose to and feel safe. I can be aware that things might not always go my way, but I no longer have to be afraid about it because I will always have myself to come back to.
Being able to see past present and future on that canvas is a healing process. The pact that you took the pictures and shared them with me has allowed me to see more than I did at that very moment. The process is still going on long after the paint dried. I am hopeful, and actively taking steps in my healing. I don't have to wait and see. I can actually see the path to follow every time I see the painting and connect with it and my actions. I am in the present. I have power of decision over my own decisions. I am finally empowered instead of like a full-time victim.
Thank you so much. Always. I will come back at some point to see how my canvas changes.
For years I have sought and failed to connect with therapists that just asked me to either repeat my story or deal with the symptoms individually. Truth is that it has always felt like a very passive process in my part and I am not sure why I kept trying and looking except that I knew that alone I could not do it. We are talking about 40+ years of struggling in pain with many times in which I seriously contemplated just dying. Then I have ONE session with you and, without the smallest exaggeration, things "clicked." The big picture became clear and the path to healing became obvious.
Katherine took me through a path of understanding that no one had before. I love talking, and I love listening, however they were getting me only so far. You had me use other muscles. I had to be less abstract in my thinking and actually put a definition to each of my phases. I had to think about each phase enough to define them as they applied to me, identify them with a color which meant I really had to visualize them in other ways than just words, and then I had to put them down on canvas. I had to bring those feelings forth and face them. I had to recognize their shape and translate them with a brush, a branch, a leaf, my hands, any thing available. Anything that made it what it was. You guided and witnessed the process with the support, respect, and encouragement that I have never experienced. I don't remember even placing myself into such a vulnerable position with anyone but my husband and 2 very close friends of over 25+years. You made me feel safe every step of the way.
I realized that during the session, all my senses were being used. I could hear my music, see the paint, smell the incense, touch the instruments, and taste my tears and the water you provided. My body was put to work reaching for objects and achieving painting angles. My whole body had been affected by my trauma and now my whole body was being used to heal it.
While being able to see all my trauma in one canvas, and discussing with you the phases, I was able to realize that I have been drowning in the details of my past. I will not deny that they were painful, but drowning in the past was not leaving me with enough energy to swim to the shore and find peace. I had never even visualized peace until I had to give it a color and place it on my canvas. I had to see it to believe it could be. I realized, and I shared with you during the session, that I was finally able to see that the main source of pain was actually the disconnect I felt between me and my life. I felt that everything that had happened to me were things I had no control over. My person as a whole had been discarded by others without my consent and they had changed my life without notice. It was suddenly clear that I needed to see all those colors in the canvas as a whole and accept that they had a time and a purpose, but that now I am able to be present in my life. I can make my own decisions (good or bad.) I can connect emotionally with those I choose to and feel safe. I can be aware that things might not always go my way, but I no longer have to be afraid about it because I will always have myself to come back to.
Being able to see past present and future on that canvas is a healing process. The pact that you took the pictures and shared them with me has allowed me to see more than I did at that very moment. The process is still going on long after the paint dried. I am hopeful, and actively taking steps in my healing. I don't have to wait and see. I can actually see the path to follow every time I see the painting and connect with it and my actions. I am in the present. I have power of decision over my own decisions. I am finally empowered instead of like a full-time victim.
Thank you so much. Always. I will come back at some point to see how my canvas changes.
